He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
