im having a threesome with these popsicles
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
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