i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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