dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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