Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Randomize
