you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
