As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
