I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
