new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
