last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
last night I used snow as a chaser
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
