Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
