Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
i need some magic done to my vagina
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
