I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
