Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
