I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Randomize
