Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
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