I just made out with a guy for $7.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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