I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
