I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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