It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
We don't watch enough power rangers
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
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