I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
