I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
