Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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