I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Randomize