Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
