i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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