I want to have your abortion
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
You made out with two different species that night
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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