real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
