Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
