i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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