Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
We left an ass print on the piano.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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