no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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