Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
