the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Randomize
