i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
