He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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