i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Randomize
