I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Randomize
