So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
