my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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