that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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