I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
