I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Randomize
