help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
