My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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