i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
FUCK WHALES
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