you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
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