An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Randomize