Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize