Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
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