For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize