We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
