She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
