i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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