I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize
