If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Randomize
