I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Randomize
