I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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