sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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