So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
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