I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I made him laugh his dick is mine
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
