yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize