i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
