You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
