Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
either way he was missing a nipple.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
