somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
