Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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