Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
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