I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
