I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
