i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
