I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize