I don't usually arrange sex via text message
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
