He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
