can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
