I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
