Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
cat food counts as protein by the way
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Randomize
