I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
After last night, I could never be a politician.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize