I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
