Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
