Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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