I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
