I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
