Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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