I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
