dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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