Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
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