so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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