I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Shitshow foam night was such a success
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I'm both gender and math confused
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
