I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
