Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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