Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
May the power of my ass compel you!!
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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