I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
